OK, so I talked about the very basics of the iConfirm service and then why we do it this way. Now I want to talk about some of the real nitty-gritty details about the stuff in the service, stuff we’ve learned through trial and error so you won’t have to.
Basic behavior
Make sure your kids understand that the rules of the road that existed for the class should exist for that evening too. They need to respect one another, pay attention to the person who’s presenting, and honor one another’s work.
You might also want to talk about basic church etiquette, or ask them for what they think the rules for church behavior is. And if the bishop is going to be there, you might want to talk about how they want to introduce themselves and how to address the bishop. One of the life skills kids need to learn is how to shake hands; you might want to give that as a suggestion for the mentors when they meet, to talk about those kind of basic things.
Dress code
Each church will have its own dress code, but you’re going to want to think about this and tell the kids because otherwise, honestly? They just don’t think. They think they look so cool and you’re thinking to yourself, what on earth possessed them? So be sure they know before the service what you expect; the rehearsals are a good time to talk about this.
Here are my limits. For girls: skirts need to be a non-butt-showing length. I don’t allow spaghetti straps in church; they can wear them, but have to wear a sweater over them in church. Spaghetti straps are OK for the party. I’m adamant that there’s no bare bellies and tops need to cover what needs to be covered. I also tell the girls to limit the jewelry because they make noise.
I’m blunt about this. When I tell them this, I say I don’t want people looking at their boobs and not listening to what they have to say. There’s a life lesson in this. If your boobs are hanging out, people are not going to take you seriously.
For boys, it’s not hole-y tennis shoes and any kind of jeans. And, yes, that’s a lot less information than the girls get, but the premise is really the same: wearing clothes sends a message about whether or not you respect the people around you. And so with all these rules and limits, what I’m trying to say to the kids is, what you wear matters because it says something about what you think about the work you’ve done and the people you’re talking to. And I’m sorry but that’s just the way it works.
Moving on:
Seating
The best thing we ever did is put the kids up in front for the service. Don’t stick them in a pew where they can get up to stuff. We also have the mentors sit up towards the front so that they are recognized for all their graciousness. That also makes it easier when the mentors come forward to give their confirmand a prayer book.
It’s also a good idea for you to sit with them or near them. They’re good kids, really, but don’t expect them to be anything other than the teenagers that they are.
The candles
OK, so this seems like a really small and finicky thing, but I wanted to talk about the candles. Each of the kids chooses a candle that’s lit as they are doing their recitation and then they put it in a bin with sand at the end of their teaching. We have them hold a candle partly for the very practical reason that it gives them something to do with their hands while they’re standing in front of people. It really helps.
So two things to let the kids know when they pick a candle. One, it needs to be big enough that it will stay lit through the whole service. Two, it needs to have a big enough base so it can stand up on its own.
We like the kids to have individual candles that mean something to them. One girl last year had a rubber duck candle which you might think was silly, but it was important to her. Aside from the two things I already said, I don’t set a lot of restrictions on what candle they can use; if someone shows up with something really outrageous, you might want to say something about it, but I haven’t had that happen. This is why you have the kids bring the candle they’re going to use to rehearsal, though. Speaking of which…
The rehearsals (plural)
I can’t tell you how much better things will run if you have two full rehearsals before the service—and not on the same day as the service either. We usually have one on the day of the week that we’re used to having class and one on the night before. In rehearsal, they make mistakes and laugh at each other, but begin to support one another. The group comes together.
I can’t tell you how important it is for the kids to actually go through their teaching with the microphone and the candles in the place you’re having the service, whatever the choreography is. We do that with them at least twice. When they do that, it means they can give all their focus to the teaching and not worry about where to stand or what their voice sounds like with the mic or whatever. We may help them tweak the teaching that they’re doing (I talked about that in the last blog entry ), but mostly this is about making sure they feel comfortable and confident when they do stand up in front of their congregation and friends and say what they believe.
The rehearsal is absolutely key because they will know what they’re doing and how they’re going to do it, they will have gotten a lot of the nervous laughter out, so when they finally arrive at the day, the meaning of it all can really hit them.
If I think of anything more, I’ll tell you, and let us know if you have any questions, but I think you’ve got more than enough information here to keep you for a while. I hope it’s great!