A few days ago, someone asked me how do you train mentors, since having mentors paired with youth is a big part of the Confirm not Conform program. An excellent question! In all the things I’ve done with CnC, training mentors was one thing I missed. Why don’t we investigate this together?
Mentoring is about building relationships, not knowledge. How do you teach people how to become mentors? Especially mentors to teens? So I called our mentor coordinator for her advice and got a couple of suggestions that made me go, “Of course!” and I thought I’d pass them on to you.
The first thing she said was that the main message to give to new mentors before they start is, “Do not be afraid!” In particular, most mentors are afraid they are not going to have the right answers—or any answers at all—when youth ask questions about issues of faith. But you don’t need to know the answers to be a great mentor. You need to be willing to hear the questions. She said that all mentors need to know the magic phrase, “Hey, why don’t we investigate this together.” At the mentor training, she makes sure everyone is given this magic phrase. (I can see it would be very useful.)
The other big thing she said was important for mentors to have ahead of time is some conversation starters, and this article (which is also in your mentor guide) includes 101 of them. “Have a couple in your back pocket,” our mentor’s mentor told me, “and it will help a lot.” Both of these things are ways to build relationships that are different from being a teacher or a parent or even a friend.
But her mentor training doesn’t stop with a magic phrase and some conversation starters. What I didn’t realize was that she makes sure the mentors get encouragement and support along the way. “Of course!” I thought.
She gets the mentors together for monthly meetings to report on how things are going and check in with one another. That makes so much sense! Offering ongoing meetings and support gives mentors the reassurance that they need that they are on the right track, or at least not alone in trying to find the right track. It gives them a chance to get suggestions when they are stuck. And it also gives everyone the reassurance that any problems can be caught early before they become big problems.
If you can’t wrangle everyone together at once, I’m wondering if there are other ways you can check in: have your mentors meet in a small group or have partners who check in with one another; set up an online group; use a conference call. There’s no real substitute for meeting in person, but I suspect finding some way of providing the ongoing support is key, and better than giving them the mentor’s guide and saying, “Good luck.”
And so I bid you good luck as your program year begins! I’ll be checking in with you again soon.